Sometimes, when you are new to a city, to a job, to a class, meeting new people and trying to create your own niche in town, it can be EXHAUSTING.  You’re constantly “on”, desperately trying to making good impressions, focusing on saying witty things, being thoughtful, expressing your opinions delicately, stifling emotions and reactions under a thin but persistent smile, and at the end of the day, you are tired of being a facade of your former self.

Sometimes I want to unwind, be myself, complain, question everything and everyone, be moody and angry without cause and without judgement.  But often people new to a city don’t have that luxury.  Because you are new, you are trying to get a job, make new friends, influence colleagues, make an impression.  Eventhough you are tired of being “on”.

And then sometimes, you can go to New York City, where a lifelong friend lives, meet up with another friend from Los Angeles, and spend hours talking, venting, and being utterly honest with no risk of judgement.  Friends you have known almost your entire life, who can spread warmth to your soul with a hug.  Catching up on stories, crying with empathy, shaking with laughing, sharing (with no shame) incredibly personal issues, supporting each other through whatever delicate obstacle the other is maneuvering, passing time over coffee walking through the streets of Manhattan, never pausing in conversation (except so that they can manically talk on their phones/text).

It was just one weekend in New York, but it felt like an enormous warm hug after being outside in the rain.  It feels amazing to be “off”, to remind myself of who I really am.  I am so grateful to have amazing friends in my lives, who ground me and give me hope about finding my place in Montreal.  Or, we can all move to San Francisco in 5 years.  Deal?

Thanks for reminding me who I am.