Scene — I am at my first doctor appointment at a clinic in Canada. I have an appointment at 3:30, I show up at 3pm. I am never early to an appointment, but am giddy in delight to try out the health care system in my new residence. I am directed to the waiting room, which is filled with people slumped on chairs, most of them looking bored and grumbling complaints. I seat myself, and in anticipation of being called, take a brief moment to check the news on my phone. There I see an article that my sister might like. I send it to her with the following text:
Mahsa
Hey sis! Look, they recalled that horrible vaccines equals autism study, the one that you have been fighting as a pediatrician
Nava
yeah…i still blame jenny mcarthy. and oprah.
Mahsa
Vindiction! Is that a word?
Am at doc office surrounded by sickies and a woman that snaps her gum. Shoot me. I want private healthcare.
Nava
vindiCAtion?!
i hope he doesn’t diagnose you with laziness like my doctor did with me…maybe you’re anemic?!
At this point, 20 minutes have passed. The door opens, and a small baby wanders out. It is an adorable little girl, her hair in braids. She stumbles around, no parents in sight. I think I love her. I think she loves me. Maybe I should take her home with me.
Mahsa
My doctor is a she. As a female physician, you should know better.
Still waiting.
See adorable black baby. Want to steal. Is that wrong?
I say hi to the baby. She is too cute, giving me a shy smile. I am almost positive that we are meant to be. I love the braids in her hair, and temporarily think about braiding my hair again, like I did in Senegal. But then I remember how itchy my scalp was, how bad it looked, and how all my Senegalese friends laughed at me.
Nava (ignoring me)
mine is a she too. she’s indian. they love me.
I look around the waiting room, which has filled even more with patients. One of the geriatrics sitting next to me, the one with “doctor appointment – 2:30pm” written on her hand, starts snoring. She looks skinny and sickly. I wonder if she has been here waiting for days. Two people come out of the doctor’s office and pick up their child. Guess she won’t be coming home with me. Guess she won’t be my new best friend. Guess I won’t be braiding my hair. So far, nothing good has come out of this. I yawn for the millionth time today. I have the feeling I am always so tired. A man walks in holding his head, with an enormous bandage that has blood seeping through. Now I feel nauseous.
Mahsa
Update – baby has parents.
Can I get anemia checked out without giving blood?
Nava
no. blood work is good. get your cholesterol checked. mine is randomly really good…
Mahsa
Mine is bad. I blame the pain-au-chocolat diet. Have been waiting now for 45 minutes.
Nava (with no sympathy)
whatever…i’m sure your doctor is overworked and underpaid. and still will be much nicer than i am because she is canadian…
i came 15 minutes late to my appointment and had to MAKE the front desk lady page my MD to let me in. it was bizarre. I was only 15 minutes late!!! and she’s indian?!
A woman comes out and yells out a name in a thick accent “Ayexxia Porsch?”. Everyone looks around, confused. Some of the older people adjust their earpieces. The woman repeats herself. Patients glance at each other, until one finally steps up and says “Alexander Pots? That’s me”
Mahsa
Mine is polish and I can barely understand her as she calls out names. She has no nurse.
Place is filled with geriatrics. They must be the worst.
Nava
yeah…they’re actually all depressed. did you know that as you age, your sleep quality gets worse? a 70 year old has the same sleeping pattern as a severely depressed person. then again, there are tons of happy old people too…
I drift off into sleep, then wake up suddenly to the dream where you are walking off a cliff, and you are grasping around you frantically so you don’t fall. I think I gave the old woman next to me a heart attack. I fall asleep again, this time dreaming that it is 2011 and I forgot to take vacation in 2010. These are my kind of nightmares. I wake up to see that nothing around me has changed.
Mahsa
Took a quick nap. Have now waited one hour and half
Why are naps so great? I feel refreshed, even in this claustrophobic, virus infested clinical space. I think we should reinstate the siesta. It is such a good idea.
Nava
Have so much work to do, but am feeling lazy and just got a grant
Obviously, Nava also needs more siestas in her life. Maybe napping is a genetic disorder, and I can get the doctor to prescribe me a mandatory daily nap. If I ever see the doctor.
Mahsa
Congratulations on the grant. Am about to self-diagnose and steal prescription pad from nurse.
Pretty sure the nurse has fangs and does not want to be messed with. Man with bandage on head is rushed to the front of the waiting list, understandably so. Note to self, next time you need to see the doctor, first give yourself a contusion. Beginning to get a headache. Wonder if it is the horrible lights and stagnant air, or if I was dropped as a baby.
Mahsa
This might be a good time to tell me our family medical history
Nava
father’s side: Hypertension, coronary heart disease, hypercholesterolemia
mother’s side: Diabetes, uterine cancer, and hypertension
Okay, obviously NDD (napping deficit disorder) is not the most concerning genetic trait I may be carrying. Oh sweet lord, man walks into clinic wearing Uggs. That is not okay. Pinch myself to see if I am napping. I am not.
Doctor at 5:45pm
“Masha Yegmeh?”
YES! My turn, finally. The doctor was pleasant, friendly, but brief — I don’t get around to discussing NDD. Three hours of waiting for a 15 minute doctor appointment — can’t say I am happy about it. But on the other hand, the visit was completely free. And thanks to technology, a good way to catch up with sister. And finally get my afternoon nap.
