It is interesting to hear how many people want to know how I ended up in my current state.

I don’t know always how to respond to this question, because it is so personal.  It was not an accident, but it was such a surprise that I was pregnant.

The reality was that I have never wanted to become pregnant.  I did not yearn for that intimate relationship with myself as a woman, and never wanted to “try” it out.  I have felt this way since I was very young.  Everyone told me over time that I would change and long for the experience, but it never happened.  This was a discussion we had often in our house and Pedram was always incredibly understanding that we could build our family through adoption.  In Canada, we started exploring adoption processes, and learning more about what options we had.

At that stage, I felt ready to start a family.  Pedram and I were closer than ever and I was proud of our relationship.  I trusted our instincts and was committed to the integrity of our marriage.  So to say that we were discouraged by the red tape involved is an understatement.  To adopt from a 3rd country when neither parent is a citizen nor a resident is simply complicated.  I won’t get into the details, but after some research and a little bit of action, we actually had to let go of our plans since we were moving to England.  Where we would have to pick up the process again and delay the whole having children thing even longer.  So we thought it might be wise to leave the 9 month option open as well, just in case, you know, down the road, sometime much later, we may need it.

Once we had settled in England (settled being that we had a bed), we restarted our search again, with the understanding that it would be as difficult as it was in Canada.  And that process in its entirety would most likely take three years.

Sometime in mid-October, we came up with a gameplan on how we were going to go about adoption in the UK — who to contact, how to pursue it, etc.  We read long legal documents that encompassed the many trivialities that we need to consider.  I started reading a book about parenting adopted children.  We signed up for a community meeting to learn more and meet other families.   We agreed on the plan and hugged and celebrated our steps towards adoption, including how to finance it.

At that point, I was already pregnant, but we just didn’t know it.  When we found out, it was so surreal, mostly because we thought we would have children in another way.  It was never an accident, but a pleasant surprise.  A blessing.  And we are both very very happy.