I saw an article on CNN.com yesterday that talked about breastfeeding in public.  In the new fancy-pants health-care plan in the US, page 1239 requires employers to provide “a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from co-workers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.” Only companies with less than 50 employees can claim it’s an undue hardship.

I am one of those people who felt uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public spaces.  I don’t appreciate seeing your entire boob hanging out next to me on the bus, where the bouncing around makes it difficult for your child to “latch on”.  I am not comfortable eating at a restaurant and seeing your 1 year old pull out your breast to “eat lunch” at the same time.  I don’t like seeing it — so if you could be discreet, I would feel more comfortable.  I know this is a free country, and your baby is person too — but it really grosses me out.  It disturbs me.  I am sorry if this offends you — I know you feel that you have the right to be lactate wherever and whenever you want — I just wish that it wasn’t such a spectacle, and that we didn’t make awkward eye contact.  I am no expert, but I am sure there is a way to do it without your entire chest being exposed.

I know that this bill makes me people like me happy — thinking – phew, my co-worker has to pump, breastfeed, whatever, but they can be discreet about it.  On the other hand, I know there are plenty of “right-to-be-free” women who feel like this is discriminatory, and prevents them for being free and natural with their child, and will lecture me on how I don’t understand the “miracle” of breastfeeding and that they should be able to whip it out wherever they want, regardless of how squeamish it makes others.  They don’t want to be put in a separate room.

A little bit of discretion, a tiny bit of etiquette, that is all I am asking.  Let’s move on.

I also have to say that Montreal could be a good role model for women.  Just take a look at this chart for maternity leave for countries in the Americas (from wikipedia).

That is right — one year paid leave for women.  That is more than many European countries (other than Sweden, where you get up to 16 months).  Futhermore, in Quebec, childcare is subsidize — you pay $7/day.  SEVEN DOLLARS!?!!  You can either pay for two lattes, or have someone take care of your children all day.

There are other small measures, such as buses will stop between stops after 7:30pm for women.  In case you feel uncomfortable walking in the dark in your neighborhood, your friendly bus driver will help escort you closer to your home.  There are businesses that have parking spots reserved for mothers closer to the door, as a convenience.  I am still learning about what other efforts are being made — but I like the ones I am seeing so far.

Do you know that there is an actual International Women’s Day?  Did you know it is not observed (whatever that means) in the United States?  Or Canada?  But it is an official holiday in Afghanistan?

Three years ago, I was in Mumbai, India during March 8, the official International Women’s Day.  All  of the female  guests at the hotel received white roses at check in.  In addition, we were invited to a woman’s conversation reception, where we all gathered and discussed the purpose of the celebratory day.  We went around the room and introduced ourselves, said where we were from, and how we felt about being a woman.  We shared stories of how far women have come, and how the inequalities are still so blatant in every country.  It was short, but meaningful.

This year, around the same time, India, the world’s largest democracy, passed a bill that would amend their Constitution to reserve one-third of the seats in the national and state legislature for women.  Protesters took to the streets, and political chaos ensued.  One major issue was that this bill – which helps a struggling group achieve recognition – would then diminish the number of seats for another minority, the Muslims, in parliament.  Which then makes you really reflect on the unbalance of women in the Muslim community.

Institutionalized discrimination.  It is really hard to remove it when the people being oppressed have no say in making the laws.  I can’t say I have easy answers to help this, but I do know that the quality of the government will be better with women represented.  I am sure it will make a difference in important issues, such as education and health.

Recently, Secretary of the State Hillary Clinton was in Quebec for a G8 meeting, and was very blunt about her opinion of maternal health and the role of G8 nations.  This is a subject she is passionate about, and it was interesting to see how the Canadian foreign minister tried to avoid the subject, often redirecting the group to sanctions on Iran.  When a reporter asked Clinton about reproductive health and family planning, he kept his gaze down.  In a room, surrounded by powerful men, Clinton responded to a reporter’s question in such a way that it was clear that women’s health should be on the agenda of government policy.

This year, Katie was visiting me during International Women’s Day.  As we walked through Montreal’s downtown, we saw a group of people yelling at a big, stuffed representation of a man in a suit.  The group had been marching through the streets downtown, and they were angry.  They kept saying “we are tired!”.  Then they took off and threw their shoes at him.  I guess this was a way of “giving it to the man”.

Isn’t it bizarre that we only have one day to focus on women?  To discuss their plight, to celebrate their existence?

So I don’t want to really harp on a subject that has been beaten to death, but I did want to present a conversation that has been discussed a few times in our household.  The question is about my automatic discrimination when it comes to male celebrities who commit felonies, especially those that are violent towards women.  For example, I have problems supporting R. Kelly after becoming aware of his multiple counts of child pornography charges.  Even though he was acquitted of 14 counts, there are still outstanding charges and trials, and an incriminating and disturbing video.  This is not a one-time thing.

Similarly, I did a quick delete of Chris Brown from my iTunes — I just couldn’t get into his music anymore after his conviction of domestic violence.  I wasn’t thrilled that Michael Vick returned to the NFL after the horror stories about him and his family’s dog fighting ring.  But in both these cases, I feel like forgiveness is a part of the healing process, and that they should not be condemned for life.  It would make my life so much easier if Oprah, with her profound understanding of all things, could just make a good/bad list for the rest of us.

I was pretty disappointed/amused by Tiger Woods and his alleged affairs, quick to mention that his wife deserved her $300 million (or whatever the enormous number is) nuptial clause.  But as the rumors came out about her violent reaction to his adultery, I became aware of my double standards when it comes to women who commit violence.

I don’t know the story anymore as it has been so convoluted by the media, but I am pretty sure if I heard about a woman who was threatened by her husband, fearful of the husband discovering their extramarital relationship, who was found unconscious with scratches and bruises on their face, but refused to discuss the incident with the police, I would be more suspicious of the husband.  I don’t think I would be rooting for them to get a $300 million settlement, regardless of the wife’s infidelities.

In general, it makes me suspicious of my own tendency to fault men, and my favoritism when it comes to domestic issues.  Obviously so much of any of these celebrity “news” stories are speculation, so we’ll never know what goes on in these cases, but we can understand better our need to assign guilt.  Which is something I re-examining for myself, until Oprah clears it up for me.

Greetings from Madrid!!  Just a quick note while waiting impatiently to leave the hotel after 9pm for dinner.  Can’t be the first ones out there on a Monday night, you know?

I recently mentioned to a friend in Brussels that this website has had over 20,000 hits in the past year, which I can’t tell is normal or surprising.  She said that even if it is my mom hitting up the site 20,000 times (hi mom!), I should use the medium for educational purposes. 

Wasn’t I doing this by explaining filet americain, or Ryan Air charges, or the sad state of Belgium?  I thought so.  But since I have this soapbox, I thought I’d take a few minutes to rant about a hot topic — scary scary socialism.  I have issues with many tenets of socialism. Especially since I am currently in Europe, the place where socialism reigns in all of its vain gluttonous glory.  And before anyone calls me a socialist, which I have heard is the biggest insult these days, let me state that the only thing separating me from the gun toting town hall crazies is an AK 47.  Hmmm…actually maybe we are a little more different than just a gun.  How about this — I gauge season by the flavors of Starbucks drinks.  

Socialism is:

• 50 days of vacation and 35 hour work weeks
• Maternity leave that begins two months before you deliver and up to 11 months after you give birth
• Even if you are not working, the government will give you money for having a child
• Child care for children is subsidized
• Mandatory health insurance that is cost friendly — for example, a week in the hospital with pneumonia will cost a 70 year old  about 20 euros — including medication.
• Unlimited unemployment money as long as you are jobless (and searching)
• Cheap education systems — University can cost less than 500 euros a year
• Taxes for everyone on everything. LOTS and LOTS of taxes.

Socialism is not:

Universal health care.  That is just good common sense.  I know, I know, no one wants to pay for more insurance.  But think of it like car insurance, you HATE the monthly bills, but after an accident, you are glad you are covered. I know it is more complicated than that, but I promise you it is a good thing. 

Socialism is not:

The President of the United States making a video encouraging kids to stay in school. 

Hope that clears it up.  Now I am off for dinner of Iberian ham and lots of fried goodies, in Madrid, in Spain, a Catholic country whose socialist government recently allowed the definition of marriage to include homosexual relationships.  Crazy socialists.

I woke up this morning and watched the video 10 times.  I think it might the coolest thing I have seen in a long time. It is a fan video for the Grizzly Bear’s song Two Weeks. This guy is so cool, and I wish I was nearly as talented as him.

Two Weeks – Grizzly Bear from Gabe Askew on Vimeo.

If you want to learn more, he recently interviewed and discussed the creation here.   We are getting packing to leave for Europe tomorrow, but I am procrastinating by watching this video over and over.

This might be one of the coolest things I have ever seen.  A designer has decided to wear the same dress, everyday for A YEAR, in an effort to showcase sustainable fashion.   The genius grew up wearing uniforms at school in India, and is now taking on this project to raise money for the Akanksha Foundation, which will buy uniforms for children in Indian schools.

Sustainable fashion hits a cord with me, as I am always wondering how to get extra mileage out of my clothes using accessories, which I am not very good at.  What surprised me about this project is that 84 days into it, this girl looks more stylish wearing the same dress than I do on a daily basis.  She has 7 versions of the same dress, which is a button up dress that can be worn front or backwards, can be alone or layered, and is made out of cotton.  Here are some examples of what she has done with the dress.

When I went to Dakar, Senegal, I had all of these idealistic thoughts about my experience, which were all shredded to pieces by my lovely host-brothers, who grounded me within the first few days.  Lesson number 1:  Senegal does not equal Africa, Africa does not equal AIDS, people are only as poor as you want them to be, and learn to take cold showers and eat with your hands.

At the end of my stay there, I spent a week with a Peace Corps volunteer in a small no-name village in the middle of Senegal (two families, four wives each, no electricity, at least 30 children, a handful of donkeys and chickens, and nearest other no-name village 3 kilometers away).  I had learned Wolof in Dakar, but the village spoke Pulaar, so I spent alot of my time there hanging with small children.  Our activities included sweating out the heat in the Peace Corps volunteer’s hut, sleeping outside, milking cows and climbing mango trees for mangoes.

There I met Gina, a five year old who would steal your heart if you met her — she was wild, charming and could manipulate me to shake the mango trees in the dead heat of the afternoon.  She had an older sister, WHOSE NAME I CANNOT REMEMBER RIGHT NOW but it is on the tip of my tongue, who had an incredibly deep, soulful look in her eyes that was not for an 8 year old.  I was told by the Peace Corps member that she was beaten often, a victim of FGM, and was a very hesitant smiler, like she didn’t trust the world.  But when I tickled her, she’d beam an enormous smile.

The PC member told me that she had thought about adopting Gina when she left her service, and had talked about it with Gina’s family, who were all very keen to the idea.  I told her if I could, I’d want to adopt Gina’s sister, and she told me that the family would probably be okay with that as well.  I spent the rest of the night, wide awake, with my potential adoptee sleeping next to me, thinking seriously about what it would take to bring her home with me.

It is funny now, thinking back on it, but at the time, it seemed like a brilliant idea.  When I returned to Dakar, I had a difficult conversation with my parents that made it clear that this adoption would not be possible.

I had a even more difficult conversation with my host brothers about why so many people are so intent on coming to Senegal to adopt.  I remember them using the words “stealing African children” and “the western idea that saving a baby is helping Senegal, or alleviating poverty”.   In short, they truly believed that westerners who remove African children are doing a disservice to the country, even though they are offering the child a better material life.

I am still learning about adoption and international adoption and am discussing the subject more and more.  But I cannot forget the conversations I have had with my host brothers about removing the selfish aspect of adoption.

I have no idea of what Madonna’s intentions are, but I don’t applaud her for trying to break Malawi’s adoption rules and adopt without spending time in the country.  I also don’t know if her age, lifestyle, etc would make her an ideal adoption candidate in the US or Europe.  I don’t appreciate her boasting that she can provide a better life for children than orphanages or family in Malawi.  I am concerned about this idea that you can help Africa by adopting a baby.  I don’t doubt that her son, David, has a better life in London, but it makes me sad that he will grow up without really knowing his roots.

Those are my thoughts.  I’d like to know yours.

PS – I think it is wonderful that she has funded orphanages.